Wonka gets the Golden Ticket!

so today…a dark, cold and drizzly day, i went to one of my favorite candy shops in the square. you know, to add some sunshine to what seemed to be a pretty worthless waste of a day.
usually, upon arrival, i head straight to the loose candy or “penny candy” aisle. but not today. today, i stopped at the candy bar section of this candy haven. what did i see…i saw Ritter bars, Laffy Taffy, Clark bars, nothing out of the ordinary. so i rounded the corner to the front of the stand to what seemed to be the “new arrivals” section. and oh…oh my…i found this!!!

a Wonka Scrumdiddlyumptious Bar!
its a chocolate bar with toffee, cookie, and peanut pieces inside. i mean, check out the HOLOGRAM wrapper.
i had to try it.
so i brought it up to the register and the guy was so pleased that i picked this candy bar. he told me that they are new from Wonka, and that they are amazingly good. i told him that i couldnt wait to try it and review it for my Candy Blog…hoping he would inquire and dish out some sort of “sponsorship.”
nope. but hey, after a few more posts, ill try again.
anyway, he rang me up and said “$3.95, guy.”
wait, what?? $3.95 for a candy bar? dang. but i knew i needed something new, something fresh for you all, so i pulled out a few crumpled up dollar bills, some change and some lint from my pocket and put it on the counter. paid the man, and headed back to work.
on my way back, i really felt like Charlie Bucket. a poor, honest, good kid who had just spent the last of his dough on a candy bar. then quickly realized that i had no money for coffee for the next few days and really started to regret my purchase. i could already feel the caffeine headache coming on.
so yea, i got back to work, opened the candy bar, and……
yep, you guessed it…no golden ticket. no million dollars, no chocolate factory, not even a trip to Disney or anything.
but hey, atleast i had this candy bar. so i took a big bite…

and oh my god was it good.
this candy bar is no frills. all killer and NO filler. the toffee….the cookie…the peanuts…its all SO GOOD!
i had COMPLETELY forgotten about the million dollars, the chocolate factory and Disney. i didnt care. i didnt care that i got ‘ripped off’ by the lack of a golden ticket. can you eat a million dollars? maybe, but it wouldnt taste good and youd probably get sick from all the germs. can you eat a chocolate factory? no. can you eat Disney? (the theme park, not the person.) no. no you cant. but you CAN eat a Wonka Scrumdiddlyumptious Bar…
and i suggest you DO!

Published in: on March 23, 2010 at 3:52 am  Comments (1)  

And while we’re on the topic of M&Ms

heres one for ya…
STRAWBERRIED Peanut Butter M&Ms!
i stumbled upon these guys last October. i went into a convenience store for cough syrup and, you know, just happened to end up in the candy aisle…how CONVENIENT.
and there they were…

holy molar, are they good!
just look at the inside…


its like a bite-sized PBJ sandwich…covered in chocolate.

trust me, i know candy companies can over-do it from time to time.
i mean, just look at what Mr. Wonka has come out with lately…

awful. but hey, on the bright side, check out http://www.wonka.com for a virtual acid trip.

so yea, if you can find these guys around, the first thing…and i mean the FIRST thing you should do, is call me. i want to know where they’re hiding.
the SECOND thing you should do is buy two bags…one for ME, and the other for…well…you, i guess.

Published in: on March 19, 2010 at 6:00 pm  Leave a Comment  

Peanut Butter M&Ms

alright. i feel that its time to give praise to one of the all-time best…

i mean, really…can it get much better than that?
if i go to the store and all they have are the regular sized bags of these, i dont even bother. seriously, why bother??
and whats up with the ‘Tear N’ Share’ bags? oh, ok…ill tear and share…
ill tear, and share how much i love these. but youre not getting any.
hell, i dont even share with my wife.
honestly, if its under a pound, i dont want it.

oh yea, does anyone remember the ‘Ogre sized Peanut Butter M&Ms?’

these guys were absolutely ACE!

twice the chocolate, twice the peanut butter.
i almost want another Shrek movie to come out in hopes that they’ll re-issue these.
come on DreamWorks, release Shrek 4…in 4D! blow my mind like M&Ms did with this super-sized snack.

Published in: on March 19, 2010 at 5:46 pm  Leave a Comment  

Not-so new Coconut M&Ms

alright, has anyone had these yet?? yes? no? well, if not, i HIGHLY reccomend them.

i am not a fan of coconut by any means. and ive tried it many times, many ways. ive had Mounds, Almond Joys, Vita Coco. hell, ive even climbed a coconut tree, knocked one down, chopped the top off, drank the water and ate the fresh coconut on the inside…and STILL no love for coconut. the only coconut product ive enjoyed in the past are those toasted coconut donuts from Dunkin Donuts.

i was honestly prepared to be let down hard with these. i was expecting a candy coated shell with gnarly fake coconut packed inside. not the case. man, oh man are these good.

my trusty panel of co-candy fans gave mixed reviews on this one. some sided with me on the fact that these are simply amazing. others were blown away at first bite, but threw a tantrum about a “horrible after-taste.”

i tell you man, being a candy critic is not for everyone.

Published in: on March 18, 2010 at 4:28 pm  Leave a Comment  

Honorable Mention of the Day goes to….


let me tell you, i am a PROUD, OFFICIAL, vocal HATER of pepsi. id rather drink water than have a pepsi. which is why it has taken me this long to try Pepsi Throwback. but my GOD is it good. try it, if you havent already.

i know, i know, its not candy…but it IS made with REAL sugar.

Published in: on March 18, 2010 at 4:27 pm  Leave a Comment  

Alright, here we go!

i could stand in the candy aisle and stare at the selection for hours. seriously, its like i think that if i stand there long enough something new will appear. well friends, the other day, something new DID appear…

introducing…NEW fizzy skittles.

you could only imagine my amazement upon such a discovery. i mean, the last time we saw something new from skittles, it was the Sour Skittle. and lets be honest, whenever i see a bag of sour skittles, i just assume take the 90 cents, seal it in an envelope with a “thinking of you” card and send it to Gentle Dental.

alright, so i opened the bag…oh yea, can i just ask, when the HELL did they start making the bag out of plastic? i now have to carry a pocket knife just to cater to the ol’ sweet tooth? rediculous.

anyway, i opened the bag

and this is what i found…

i thought i had been had! DUPED! it was a scam! someone at the skittle factory had put SOUR skittles in my bag of “new” Fizzl’d Fruits skittles. i immediately assumed i was on Punk’d or Boiling Point, or some other MTV show about pissing people off…but no one bum-rushed me with lights and cameras, and ashton kutcher never showed. so i knew this was no joke. i popped one in my mouth…

hmm…looks like a sour skittle…

tastes like a sour skittle…and then i started to chew…WOW! they really ARE fizzy!

but wait a minute…where did all the flavor go? once the fizz, or shall i say ‘foam’ hits your mouth, all sweet, sour, succulent skittle flavor is erased. wiped out. gone.

i mean, dont get me wrong, the flavors are great. blue is the best, as usual. i find that pink is the worst. a colleague said that red tasted like cough syrup, i beg to differ. so we enjoyed the bag of fizzl’d fruits while steadily trash talking them. maybe i just feel that you cant possibly top the wonderous Wild Berry skittles. but hey, you be the judge. grab a bag, and let me know what you think.

Published in: on March 18, 2010 at 4:26 pm  Leave a Comment  


alright, heres the skinny…

you know when you were a kid, your parents always told you that “candy rots your teeth?”

or if you ate too many sweets, someone was always there to say, “you know, your teeth are gonna fall right out of your head.”

well my friends, its true.

July 4th, 2009, i was eating Mentos at work. everyone knows that pink Mentos are the softest. you can argue which is the second softest; orange or yellow.

anyway, i had a toothache for a few days prior and i decided that i would eat the Mentos on the side where the toothache was coming from.

when i got to the last Mentos, a yellow one, i took one bite and heard a crack. and not the crack of the sweet candy shell. it was my tooth. my tooth had literally rotted out of my skull.

so i pulled the fragments of tooth out of my gums and patched hole with DENTEK.

after a month of having a patched tooth, i went to the dentist after a 12 year hiatus. they ripped the bad tooth out, on top of my two left wisdom teeth. (talk to me in person for that story…)

yes, it sucked. yes, candy put a damper on my day…or few months.

but hey, i cant help it…im ALL about candy.

and thats why im here…to let you all know about candy. new candy, old candy, foreign candy, good candy, bad candy…basically all things candy.

think of it as the Phantom Gourmet of sugar.

Published in: on March 18, 2010 at 4:21 pm  Leave a Comment